One for the Book


I am one of those mothers who never lays down her head,
Until my entire family is tucked safely in bed.
I don’t do this to be noble, I’m not sure I think it’s right,
It is just until they are all in bed I can’t sleep at night.

Well, I had a sad, sad experience, a short while ago,
One I won’t live down for many years, I know,
My daughter was going to her sorority and driving our car
Now that’s a worry to begin with, with gas and tires as they are.

Usually, while I’m waiting up, I sit in the breakfast nook,
I’ll play a little solitaire, or else I read a book,
But this night for some reason I sat in the living room,
Reading the evening paper and very, very soon.

My head began to nod and I dozed off to sleep,
But I was sure I’d awaken when she’d give the horn a peep.
Then I’d press a button that turns on a big flood light
That lights the runway and garage as they come in at night.

How long I sat there I don’t know but I came to with a shock
A little chill ran down my spine as I looked at the clock,
After midnight and Kathryn wasn’t home,
This was no time of night for her to be driving ’round alone.

So, I picked up a deck of cards and went to the breakfast nook,
I was far too nervous to try and read a book,
I watched the second hand on the electric clock go ’round and ’round
The minute hand went up to one and then it started down,

Little demon worry was growing stronger and stronger,
When it reached one-thirty, I couldn’t stand it any longer,
So, I look up a number, picked up the telephone,
And called a young lady I knew she was taking home.

From the way she answered I knew I got her out of bed,
“Who in the wide world is this?” she said.
“Oh, Esther, where is Kathryn, this is Mrs. Eschenbach”,.
“She never did come in and it is almost two o’clock”.

“Oh, Mrs. Eschenbach”, she said, “Wherever could she be,
It wasn’t even twelve o’clock when she left me.
Do you want me to get out our car and trail her ‘long the way?
No, wait, I’ll call her father and see what he has to say”.

So, I said, “Carl, Carl, wake up, Kathryn isn’t home,
It is almost two o’clock, and she is stuck somewhere alone
Well, don’t stand there wringing your hands, that’s just a waste of time,
I’ll get up and get the police upon the line”.

So he got up, called Station X and got the 6th District Station,
To the officer in charge explained the entire situation,
Then the officer said, “I’ll have to have your license number, please”,
At any other time we could have repeated it with ease.

But I couldn’t think of it and he couldn’t think of it and I didn’t know what to do,
So I thought I’d wake the boy up and find out if he knew.
So I said, “Sonny, Sonny, wake up, what is the license number on our machine”?
He mumbled something that told me he was still in the land of dreams.

Then, I thought I’ll have to wake up Marjorie, there is nothing else to do,
I guess I’ll have her baby awake before I get through.
So I go back and call, “Marjorie, Marjorie, what is the number on our cur,
Or maybe, you can tell me where our gas coupons are”?

I heard some one mumble something and the thought won! through my head,
That didn’t sound like Marjorie’s voice, that came from Kathryn’s bed.
So I turned on the light and did I get a shock,
There, in her bed, was Kathryn Eschenbach.

If I was the fainting kind, I’d have been sprawled out on the floor
But since I’m not the fainting kind, I just cried and cried some more.
And I heard my husband whisper, “Officer, forget the whole thing please, and is my face red,
My wife just found our daughter sound asleep in bed”.

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